Cry me a river...

Had the worst break down...ended up making myself sick today. Really cant afford to take a day off work...but oh well, not much I can do about it.

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So, basically, I give props to the woman out there who are home alone for months at a time while their husbands are overseas. I don't know how you do it. I'm having the hardest time just being alone for a week.

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I have been holding in my emotions ever since Matthew left, and I have been trying so hard to be strong that I hit that point where you cant hold it any longer. I cried for 3 hours last night. I'm so angry at the situation and I ended up taking it out on Matthew. That is not even what I wanted to do, but its hard. I know this probably sounds really stupid, but I'm just so alone without him, and its hard to keep your mind busy when you have no friends to hang out with, and you have a job that allows you to sit and think...and think...and think....yeah, girls doing too much thinking...really not a good thing. And, Matthew is soo understanding and so supportive, even though I was wrong for being upset with him when it was the situation that is the real problem, he didnt get mad at me...he is so amazing.

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Well, I ended up waking up feeling like complete hell. What I would give to have my husband back. I cant even talk to him for more than 10 minutes a day because he is so busy during the day doing training, and then at night by the time I get off work, its 9pm there and he is tired and needs to get some sleep to get up early the next morning again...its like technically he is getting up at 3am to go to work because he is still stuck on western time.

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It just isn't fair...its for the best, but its not fair. They sprung this on him last minute, and its something he could be doing here in California, he is going to have to re qualify for the 9mm pistol when he gets back anyway...none of this makes since to us. But that's how they want to do it, guess its what has to be done. Better than being out of a job...I'm trying to be optimistic, but selfishly, I'm just so depressed without him here. We are newly weds...this is our time.